Random thoughts on freedom and interference.

Does freedom mean the right or liberty to do anything, anywhere and whenever you feel like? I don’t think. Remember the saying that the liberty of one ends where the tip of the nose of another begins. We are social beings and are bound, morally and legally, to respect societal norms. You can enjoy your rights as an individual as long as you are totally within your personal space but once you step out into the social set-up, you have to follow certain basic rules and ethics which must not be treated as an infringement of your personal freedom.

I am strongly against ‘moral policing’ which I believe amounts to taking the law into one’s hands. It is usually done by some groups that derive power from some source and consider themselves as apostles of culture and tradition. Such people need to be dealt with by the law enforcing agencies. There is a limit to which one can, as an individual or group, interfere in the matters that form part of another’s life. No one has the right to tell us what is to be done but at the same time we can’t claim that no one has the right to question whatever we do in public. To be precise, one must refrain from doing in public something that has to be done privately.  The question is not whether others are affected by a public act of yours; the question is whether your act tantamount to violation of social ethics.

We must learn to respect each other and must be adaptable to different opinions and must not try to force our views on others. There is a growing intolerance in the country and the world which need to be controlled and curbed but then being intolerant to intolerance or resorting to unethical means to protest is not at all a solution. Let us lead lives peacefully by respecting ourselves and others too; well knowing our boundaries and limits

Importance of gap between words!

Words are very important. Remember the saying that words once spoken cannot be taken back? Remember the proverb that a bruise caused by words is difficult to heal? Yet, we are not at all serious while using words. We seldom think before we speak.

We spend so much time and energy before doing anything. Let it be experimenting on an invention or a new product, constructing a house, planning a journey, buying something or even meeting an old friend and in almost every aspect of our daily life. We draft and redraft when we write to ensure that only least possible mistakes are made. But do we exercise the same caution or prudence while speaking? I don't think. We prefer to be spontaneous. Questions and answers or views and opinion or suggestions and advice are expected to flow without any lag. We don't think about the necessity to think before we speak. We seldom take time to select the appropriate words or to arrange them properly; our basic intention being to be able to communicate our mind.  It is probably our belief or concept that a wrong word or sentence or thought can be corrected with another at the spur of a moment if there is an objection or difference of opinion on the other side. What we conveniently (or foolishly) forget is that a word uttered is quickly registered by the listener and corrections or additions will only pile up on what is already registered but will not erase the earlier ones.

What I want to say and what I mean is that it would make so much of difference if we think before we speak, if we are not worried about the lags in between and are ready to put in a gap between words. A wrong word or a word spoken out of context may be corrected but the impact already created cannot be undone. So, let us be a bit patient and careful while communicating orally. 

Help each other to face life.

Life, as we all know, has its ups and downs. It is quite human to be confused at times. There would be moments or situations in life when we falter. We would be at a loss to decide what should be done next; our mind and brain would not work hand in hand then. It is in such situations when we yearn for someone who would actually understand us and would come forward to help us unconditionally.

There would be many who would try to find fault with us and may be quite a few who would give us some moral support. There may be again a few who would assure us that everything is not lost and that we can still make it. But then there would be only a handful that would actually stretch out their hands and guide us to a doorway that would open new horizons for us. They would be magnanimous enough to look above our negatives, to put our faults under the carpet and would just concentrate on strengthening our positives and receding energy. They won’t be mere advisers or well-wishers. They would help us physically and mentally to overcome a failure or a bad patch in life. They would be the ones who really understand us and our problems genuinely and would boost our positives that can be developed to help us in taking a fresh step with renewed energy.

I know it is difficult to find such people and I know too that it is much more difficult for such persons to take up the challenge of helping out a person who has had a fall in life. But those who take the efforts and pain to do so, I believe, are doing something divine; something more divine, I would say, than saving a life. It is not easy to give a helping hand to someone who has lost hope in life. Life becomes almost a burden when you can’t live it. It is then that those who volunteer to share your burden become very crucial and important for you. It is not the time when you would need advice or a post-mortem of your past be done; it is the time when you need someone to energize your thoughts and actions to produce positive results.

So, let us try to be more humane when we come across people who encounter such situations. Let it be a relative, friend or even a stranger. A moment you share with him, a word of solace and an assurance that you are with him may bring a positive change in his life and instill in him the confidence that one door will open when one closes. It is not just about telling him what to do; it should be more about telling him what and how to do in the way he can do it. The strategy for helping out a physically disabled person will certainly have to be different from helping a financially weak person. We should be aware and concerned about the physical, mental and social constraints or limitations of someone before actually lending a helping hand. It is difficult but not impossible. We can give it a try and bring smile to a face and give him hope that he can still live life to the fullest.

Stand on the other side of the fence!

I know that life is a chain of unexpected incidents and events. It can take strange deviations. But what I am going to talk about here is how stranger can be human attitude and behavior at times.

I am not one who takes anybody at their face-value. But then, I had always believed that people whom I rely upon, or whom I expect to be close enough to, will remain within a particular limit when it comes to exchange of words or reactions. I mean, I strongly believed that they will remain closer to a point I have marked and will not move too much to this side or that. Though it was not my first experience as such, because I have seen relations and friendships catapulting to exactly opposite directions time and again, a recent incident made me realize that you must always be sure about your judgement about another person, whosoever it may be, with whom you are interacting.  You should not be judgmental nor should you carry lot many expectations, but you must be aware that human mind is susceptible to changes and their actions, reactions and interactions will be particularly determined by their own priorities and perceptions.

I am now reminded of an earlier post of mine where I had written about the selfish nature of man. At the cost of repetition, let me assert again that man is basically selfish. It is his own pleasures, interests and gains that takes priority when it comes to personal or social dealings. All of us those who talk about social commitments or relative honesty and responsibilities are actually talking nonsense. We are not being true about ourselves. It is I and me that matters. I may not be cent percent right in my observation, but being a person who gives a thought to other’s feelings when it comes to a word or an action, I think I am justified in my thoughts; fair or unfair.

I personally do not feel that I would be losing anything if I give some consideration as to what the person on the other side might feel like. You will always win if you are on the right side. But a scathing remark or a wound left on another will take its time to get off your mind. So, why not be a bit slower so that we do not regret later? 

NB: Apologies for the long gap between posts. I wish all my friends a Happy New Year!

Why hesitate to admit your mistakes?

Most of us must have observed that there are many people who are more often interested in finding faults with others rather than trying to introspect and think whether we have been right all along. Well, agreed that it is part of human nature to be so, but why so?

There may be a few who could be standing out of this long queue. But wouldn't the world be a better place if a majority of us made an effort to fall out of the queue and look into ourselves? Wouldn't it be nice if we could convince ourselves into thinking and accepting openly that we could possibly be at fault?

The truth becomes bitter when we see that the fact is that we are all aware of our mistakes and faults but choose to pretend that we do not know that we are wrong. We prefer to wait for someone else to point out our faults and feign ignorance till then before acknowledging with a masked sense of enlightenment.

Do we actually stand to gain anything in the whole exercise? I feel that we would be at better peace of mind and self-contentment if we admit our mistake at the first instance without waiting for a poke and acknowledge that the other person(s) was right. One can well imagine the plight of somebody who has to mime that he is right well knowing that he is not right.

An occasional drama behind the curtain of false ignorance is acceptable but making it a part of one’s character and life will only harm us mentally, physically and socially. So, should we start thinking otherwise?

Don't be afraid to tell the truth.

I was thinking whether I should be afraid to speak out the truth; speak out what I feel. There are chances that you might hurt the feelings of others or may even hurt yourself while speaking out the truth, but then should that be a deterrent?

I don’t think I would be helping my wife in any way if she is shabbily dressed and I tell her a lie that she is looking gorgeous. She might have taken some time to select the attire and then to dress up with a bit of make-up and some jewelry. She might be expecting a compliment from me after having satisfied herself by looking in the mirror. I know she would feel bad if I don’t appreciate her. But won’t I be doing a wrong to her by saying something which is not true? I do think so. I have just given the wife as an example. This is a fact that is true with everyone including me. Suppose your teacher praises your otherwise badly written essay just in order to raise your confidence level and to keep your moral high. I personally believe that she is doing the worst thing to you. She is creating a block in your way to improvement. You might feel bad or dejected for sometime if she criticizes your essay and tells you that you should put in more effort and better yourself; but it will do you only good in the long run.

We have become used to telling lies more due to the virtual world where we hide our faces and keep telling lies to please people. It may be okay for some because we don’t take comments or criticisms in the social networking sites too seriously. But that is not the case with the real world where you stand face to face with people whom you know. Why I am insisting on telling the truth is not because others value our judgement or opinion seriously but because I feel that it would be sort of cheating if we don’t tell the truth.

We often see subordinates nodding their heads in agreement and responding positively to anything their boss says. The boss might feel happy and he may give a broader smile when you meet him next time. But as a good and responsible subordinate one should be able to say what is right and should have the confidence to disagree with your boss if you feel that he is not right. You should be dutiful enough to give out your opinion even if it is on a different tangent from that of your boss. At the most he may call you to his office and warn you against being so open; I am sure that he won’t kick you out. And if he is a real leader he will surely note your name and consider you for a better job. Though, a critical opinion, no doubt, is rarely accepted.

I agree that there are many circumstances when we agree with someone well knowing that he is wrong or we choose to swim with the flow, but then that should be done only if we are sure that our falsified agreement will not do any harm. It is always better to be true and frank when you are with people who are well known to you.  Momentary feelings need not be given much importance. Time will stand by us. But yes, always remember to be polite and never blunt; in words or actions.

In the same note, I would also like to remind you that one should be ready to accept truth and criticism also. Don’t get bogged down. Be gracious enough to accept constructive criticism and spare time to give it a thought.

Acknowledge happenings around you.

I have always felt that it is very important for us to acknowledge everything that happens around you; anything that you have read, heard or seen around you.  The fact that you notice and take a note of the events before you is a contributory factor towards the making of you as an individual.

You need not accept them but should not ignore them too. All incidents, thoughts and ideas have, I feel, a bearing on us being part of the society and should therefore be noticed and acknowledged. I mean, it would help you to give variations to your way of thinking if you are ready to notice and acknowledge what you see or hear irrespective of their acceptability to you as a person.

You may not be willing to come out of the safe spaces that we have created for our self but you have to give a bit of thought to what another says or has written or how another person act or react in a particular situation. You may have said it or written something or acted or reacted differently in such a situation but believe me taking note of the same will come to your aid in future, at least to give a totally different angle to think from.

Our perceptions about people, places or things does change by such acknowledgements.  Such acknowledgements can aid you in arriving at correct and logical decisions. Ignoring thoughts and actions that are against your way of thinking will most likely leave you to be a one-eyed horse.